Vitamin G: WALKING AWAY FROM A BAD RELATIONSHIP
Sometimes we need to take a break or walk away from a friendship. This is hard, even when it’s the right thing to do.
Let’s start with taking a break from an unhealthy friendship before you walk. Taking a few steps back will allow you to see if you’re happier and determine if it’s worth going back. Tapering off a Vitamin G is no different than weening yourself off a real vitamin. When you stop, you might not notice anything or you might feel that loss deeply and gain clarity as to why you love and need that Vitamin G in the first place! Only you will know what is best and which of your Vitamins really matter.
For me, when I am stepping away, it’s usually already happened. The friendship has drifted, it’s already disconnected and I’m less dependent on that Vitamin G for nourishment. At other times, I am at a loss and intentionally let my Vitamin G know how important they are to me. Key word: intentional. We all makes mistakes, even with our closest friendships. It’s ok (and necessary) to fight for your essential Vitamins!
Now let’s talk about walking away. MUCH HARDER to do! Sometimes it comes with a dramatic showdown, but often it’s just a slow drifting apart. I suggest avoiding a showdown as there are no winners and the hurt in your heart will stay and manifest itself in other ways. Anytime we lose a friend, it’s a loss. Just like there’s no good divorce, there is no good way to lose a friend.
If you’re like me, you have a lot of casual friends, but you have a handful of Vitamin G’s that are irreplaceable. To lose a G, is devastating. I’ve lost 2 over the past 30+ years of adult friendships and for vastly different reasons. The only common thread was tremendous changes in life, and one or both of us didn’t withstand it. Both friendships were flawed for many years, but the benefits of the friendship far outweighed the negative, so it continued. Both friendships were with strong women that controlled the terms of the friendship. They said when we met, how often, they called the shots, they controlled the narrative and topics, etc. One of the Vitamins broke it off suddenly, without warning and went completely cold, exactly how I would have predicted. The other was a slow and painful series of disappointments and selfish acts that led to a sea of nothingness. The relationship was empty and so when it ended, there was nothing to miss because I had been mourning the loss for years.
Looking back now I can see how both relationships gave me so many gifts and taught me about myself. I also learned how to be a good friend and became more self-aware. One thing I learned about myself is my tendency to talk about myself in a failed attempt to connect and be entertaining. For years I have used self-deprecating humor and story telling to break the ice and connect with others. I’ve learned over time, people really prefer to talk about themselves and not listen to you wax on about what you think is funny. Asking questions and listening with intent gets a blue ribbon every time.
Take a moment to look at your field of friends and be honest with yourself. Who should get more time, who gets less. Who always feels like sunlight and who are you always pulling from the rain, pulling from a fire or trying to figure out? Who is always there with an open arms, patient ears and time for you, even when you know they don’t have it? That’s what you need in your Medicine Cabinet. A bunch of Super Charged Vitamin G’s. Check your bottles, toss the expired ones and good luck!
laugh, learn & lighten up,
Ms. Funny Honey